What a Ritual Needs:

Like a good story, a beginning - middle - end. The beginning is usually a preparation, explanation or a que that things are about to begin. This elevates the action that is about to take place to outside the common. The end brings marks the close and returns us the daily. If you are Monotheist you might notice this as the leader(s) of the ceremony or blessing call for quiet with a word or signal, heads are bowed and eyes are closed (beginning). Blessing is stated, accompanied or unaccompanied by an action (like lighting of candles) - middle. At the end everyone acknowledges the moment with an Amen, آمين, ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ, אָמֵן .

Rituals support cognitive development by:

• Helping children learn sequencing and order of events
• Allowing children to predict what will happen next, which builds planning skills
• Providing opportunities for repetition, which reinforces learning
• Expressing gratitude or setting intentions
• Develop a sense of identity and belonging
• Learn about ethics and morality through concrete practices

Coming of Age Rituals usually follow these familiar concepts:

1. Separation - The separation phase marks the beginning of the coming-of-age ritual. During this stage, the individual is removed from their familiar environment and social group
2. Transition- The transition phase is the core of the coming-of-age ritual, where the individual undergoes transformative experiences
3. Incorporation- Incorporation involves the individual being welcomed back into society with their new status
4. Integration- Integration refers to the process of the individual adapting to their new role and responsibilities within the community
5. Reintegration- Reintegration involves the community's acceptance and recognition of the individual's new status

Note that integration is the individual adapting to the their new role and reintegration is the community's acceptance of the individual in the new role (of adult)

Ages 0-4 The Most Important "Attachments"

For those lucky enough to grow up in secure homes, with loving family members, these years of life are the originators of healthy attachments and relationships. Strengthen these relationships by -

Sign Language Before speech, young babies pick up the ability to cue you in to their desires. Some call this 'baby sign language,' but really it is just a few sign words to help you communicate and allow your child more control of their environment. If your child is interested, you could learn as more! For some, a few words make a world of difference (bottle, more, sorry, yes and no). This is communication using your hands, borrowed from American Sign Language.

Call and Response With small babies, start simply with peek-a-boo (a hide and return with the statement peek-a-boo). Next try showing a picture of an animal and making the corresponding sound. These interactions build the idea of turn taking in conversations, listening to the other, and vocalization (sound making and idea generating). It builds on memory and anticipation of cause and effect - as well as building connection between caregiver and child. Later, you can use call and response as part of your ritual building as chanting builds unity and responses help solidify the rules and goals we set for ourselves.

Reading to Children No matter your reasons for doing it, reading to children is a time honored way to connect with a child. Start by letting babies play with cardboard books, growing into point and name, followed by opening flaps and and pop-up picture books. Start reading to your child as part of their bed time rituals. At around age three or four, start longer series like Babar the elephant (change the word 'savage to native'), move from bigger pictures to more story.

Hello/ Goodbye Create your own way of connecting, for short periods, at the moment of arrival and departure. It can be a saying and touch or something that suites you and yours more. Do it every time, no matter the emotional state (the child is crying), while try to remain calm, wish them well and encourage the next adventure.

Consider learning about Connection Rituals and Routines with Daniel Tiger made by PBS

For example: Grown ups keep you safe

Ages 4-7 The Training Wheels Come Off

End of "Baby-Ness" Ritual, age 7. On my sixth or seventh birthday, I will place seven objects I associate with being a baby or a child in a box by my bed. The box will stay there until I say it can be removed. I can visit the things in the box anytime I want, but they will be tokens of a memory, not what I use daily. If I never remove the box, it is okay. I will draw a picture of all seven things or write them down and on my birthday I will burn the paper. I will think about the wonderful time of play and exploration I have just experience and say goodbye to being a small baby. My parents and I will sit and make a list of five or so things that I will now be able to do around and out of the house. I will be given a chance to first practice and learn how to do the new tasks. I will always be allowed to ask questions about new challenges associated with the tasks. I will be expected to do the tasks, when I state that I will do them.

Bedtime Conversations added to reading books together, consider bedtime conversations with some simple reflections of the day. What was your favorite part? What is something you wish you had done differently? What will you try tomorrow?

Plant a Tree - For one of the following birthdays, consider planting a tree as a gift to the child. If you don't own land, seek government permission, neighbor permission, or side of the road (no permission - possible citation). If this is still not possible, consider an Adopt a Tree Ritual. First set out to a place where there are a few trees, near where you live, so the child can visit the tree as often as they want. Let the child walk around until they feel something towards a tree - this will be their tree to take care of - bring it pretty rocks, feathers, shells, pretty leaves, and other tokens of affection. On rainy days, consider making mud faces out mud, leaves and rocks or mud animals. Listen to the Heart Beat of a Tree using a contact microphone or stethoscope, listen to the tree. If you use a contact microphone (15-75$) consider attaching it to your phone, a headset or a recording device~ You can use the microphone to collect other nature sounds!

A Whole Day Don't forget the SUNBLOCK and hats! Colder days might require jackets and gloves. Child packs some toys in a bag, which they carry. Guardian carries extra clothes, meals, drinks and together head out to your local park. Spend most of the day outside playing and eating outside. Remember that boredom sparks creativity. So just sit it out.

Daily Affirmations For anyone going through a tough transition, daily affirmations can be a way to relax the brain into accepting something that I want to believe about myself - for example, if people around me keep repeating that I am one way, but I believe and see myself another way, I confer with myself every morning that I am what I say I am. Then I identify one or two activities that I associate with being "x" and I do them. It is one thing to say "I am a tidy person" but if your room is messy, it has little power to convince your own self. Start small. If you think of yourself as tidy but are having a hard time committing to keeping everything clean all the time, set up a system in which you give yourself 5-10 minutes a day dedicated to just that activity. Remember that concept of identity are complex. Even things like 'tidiness' can include things that are not visible by looking at someone - like extremely nice hand writing! And the more complex the identity token, the more options for action! Don't be fooled by accepting what others tell you is 'x'. Do some research, read a few books or articles, think about it. It is not that there is no true x, but that true x is culturally, historically and individualistically expressed when it comes to something like 'identity.' An example of affirmations that 4-7 years old might find helpful: "Good thing I am tough!" "Everyone makes mistakes." "The more I practice, the more I grow!" "Try before you cry!" "I CAN do it!"

Feelings Check-In Once or twice a day take a moment to have a checkin of how child is feeling about the day.Have them consider 'what they want to happen,' 'how they feel about it,' and 'what they can do' to make the thing they want happen. Starting this activity now will normalize it for the next stage of life - a stage full of complexity and hormonal charge!

Learn about Emotional Intelligence with Bluey

Place of history and tradition

Ages 9-14 more soon

Introduction to social politics, body politics and city-complexity and travel

Gratitude Journal Set a time to write in the journal, sit together and each of your write. This can be done before doing homework or before bed. If child wants to do it more than at this time, great, but have them do it at least once with you. The rules for writing in this situation are:

1. Keep on writing. Write down everything that comes to mind
2. No mistakes. If your thoughts are disorganized, that’s okay. If your ideas are dull, that’s also okay.
3. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, and expression are irrelevant. You don’t need to proofread or edit what you’ve already written.
4. Consider setting a timer, starting with 20 minutes and adding as the child gets older.

The concept is that what you focus on you get more of - so if you focus on the feelings of gratitude you might be able to get more of it. It also is a good time to talk about how writing and talking about situations helps in many ways - for one, it helps you define the situation and how you understand it for yourself. Second, it helps externalize the information freeing you up to let go of some of the baggage associated with it. This is especially helpful for complex things that have both gratitude and shame interconnected.

The News Establish a routine to watch the news together, either in the morning or after dinner. Choose one topic from the broadcast to discuss as a family. While news can often be disheartening, leading some to actively avoid it, this practice can be valuable. It helps develop critical thinking skills and media literacy. By engaging with news regularly, you'll learn to discern what's being said between the lines, understand the truth beyond salesmanship and fear-mongering, and recognize and analyze biases in reporting. This habit will keep you informed about current events and help you develop the ability to critically evaluate information. It's an essential skill in today's media-saturated world, allowing you to form well-rounded opinions and make informed decisions.

Rustic If you can afford a summer camp that offers complete submerging in wilderness, consider allowing your child one summer learning the craft of forest or bush survival. These skills translate in other ways than just being able to build a fire when the electricity goes out. They teach us about the inner spark to survive, durability during trying times and comradeship. If you don't have this option, consider just renting a simple cabin the national park for a weekend (or more). Let child have their own tent away from the cabin. Challenge child to hike a short trail alone. Show child how to fish and then challenge them to make catch and cook their own dinner. Avoid all electronic devices, if possible.

Challenge Quest

Sit together and decide an end of the year "challenge." Every child has different aspiration, so this must be left for the family to decide. The child might say, I want to be a basketball star. Challenge child to practice for the highest possible level test. Best is if there is a pretrial test in the middle of the year, so that child knows what more they need to do to improve in the next few months. If a child loves fashion, challenge them to create a fashion related resume and apply for a scholarship. The idea is to have a challenge that takes a year to prepare for and to then test the child's resolve and preparations. Try challenges that are not only test related, like taking the SATs or something, but more challenging like reading 100 SAT vocabulary rich books

Learn about EQ for the pre-teen and teen years with Steven Universe.

End of "Young Child" Ritual, age 14. On my 14th birthday, I will begin a one-year hospice volunteer mission. Four hours each week, I will spend time with someone who is approaching the end of their life. I will learn how to support them during their transition from life to death. I'll ask the person about their memories and life experiences, documenting and creating something meaningful with the information they share. I'll offer this to their family if they wish. If there's no family or they don't want the memento, I'll create something so special that I'll want to keep it myself, as a reminder of my year at the hospice. This experience will teach me that most of our lives are spent avoiding thoughts of death, pretending it's not part of our world. Spending time with those who have accepted their mortality will impart valuable lessons. My hope is that this experience will show me how every choice we make can influence our lives in unexpected ways. I'll learn that life is full of mistakes, but these help us grow stronger and understand the immense value of living consciously.

Books for 12 Year Olds

Ages 15-21 more soon

Introduction of international politics, economy, ecology, sexuality

Two Appropriate Developmental Milestones for Teens - These are not fixable qualities, because they are supposed to happen! (from Dr. Martin)

1. Personal Fable - The belief that you are so special that life's difficulties will not effect you. More likely to participate in risky behavior.
2. Imaginary Audience - Belief that everyone, especially their peers, are constantly looking at them and judging them. Less likely to try difficult tasks and activities.

What to do? Talk and LISTEN to your child. Create spaces for open discussion. Reduce judgement.

Personal Value Reflection (15-17) As talk about college or the future start to stress the child out to a point where they might actively avoid you, change strategies and ask about personal values and what type of person they think they are - what actions they can take to reflect their belief of themselves.

Self Defense (Any age) Although we might consider violence abhorrent, self defense is an essential skill that offers numerous benefits. One of the most significant advantages of enrolling in a self-defense class, beyond physical strength, training for mental resilience by teaching participants to assess situations, make quick decisions, and remain calm under pressure. This heightened situational awareness is crucial, as it helps individuals recognize potential threats before they escalate, ultimately reducing the likelihood of becoming a victim. Remember, self-defense classes equip participants with practical techniques for physical protection, such as striking, blocking, and escape maneuvers. These skills are not solely about brute force; they emphasize strategy and leverage, demonstrating that size and strength are not always determining factors in a confrontation.

Extreme Embrace the peak of physical ability by allowing your child to try at least one extreme* sport class, including but not limited to sailing, surfing, rock climbing, parkour to the more extreme hang gliding, base jumping, diving (of various sorts). If child has absolutely no interest in anything available around you, try a solo (or with a friend) trip to another country (require preparation that includes local customs, rules, learning the languages' basics or higher, map reading, books about the country and so on).

Stories We Tell

Listening

Stories have a teller and an audience. We live in the world of stories in the shape of myths, legends, folklore, histories (national, generational, person), and fiction.

Name Stories

Ask about why you are called what you are and your family members around you. What does your name mean? Why was it chosen?

Generational

For one week, ask your elders 'When you were my age...' questions. Try to remember each story!

Photos of Me Stories

Ask to sit and look at pictures of yourself as a baby. Ask for stories from pictures you think are funny or interesting/

My Place Stories

Ask an elder why they live where they live and why you live where you live.

Observing

The Hero's Journey

Departure; leaves home -> Difficulty; face an obstacle -> Discovery; finds a way to overcome obstacle (usually learns something) -> Returns; using what they learned gets back home to help others

Hero Journey 1

Learn the hero's journey by practicing retelling small things that happened to you throughout your day using the template.

Hero Journey 2

Try it common story you know (like Three Little Pigs or Little Red Ridinghood).

StoryBox

Kids collect five or six objects or toys and place in a box or in front of storyteller. Storyteller starts their story and when indicated by audience must incorporate an random (or chosen) object into the story. Storyteller is allowed to switch with any listener if they are stuck.

Remembering

The Joke

The setup; main character(s) and setting of joke is introduced -> (The Counterpoint; what it is not, compared to something else/optional)-> The Development; more information leading up to the conclusion -> Punch Line

Sharing

Start a stories recoding chapter #storieswetell

Ask the oldest people in your community to sit with you for six months, once a week (or less frequently) to talk about events in their lives. Not all the stories will generate the same interest, but it is important to ritualize the event, with tea or coffee and some cookies; or something similar - with the idea of creating the same atmosphere (same smells, same sounds). See if you the quality of details goes up or is diminished - Notice if the teller is asking for assistance with a particular problem or having trouble understanding something in their current life. You can do this by starting and ending each session with a conversation style exchange, but try to give as much time as possible to the narrative form, to the person speaking.

Art as the medium for telling your story

We all understand art as the medium for self-expression - but it can also be seen as a means for ourselves to veiw ourselves. We each have a unique perspective, not special and unattainable by others, not secluded from the general stream of human consciousness, but apart of, a participatory act of living in the milieu, and to better be there for ourselves, try to learn different ways of viewing and representing your perspective. Engage in various art forms to instill the confidence to be honest in the representation - even if you never show it to anyone. Don't allow the narrations of others to represent you - a passivity that places you a voyeur in your own narrative. Start by picking up a pencil! Write yourself a message. Negative or positive, it is the first step in your journey.

Alternative Endings

Many have said - there is nothing new under the sun - but the fact is, the stories we tell change throughout time. Long ago most stories were about gods and goddesses, their wills and desires. Now we may still tell stories of superheroes, but a lot of stories are about people and their lives. If you don't have a story you want to tell, try this: Take a beloved story (or hated) and rewrite the ending.

Understanding Types

Archetypes

Join this community project to classify images by Zooniverse How Did We Get Here?

Gamifying Folklore

Consider building this game with us - Choose a country to begin in, then you are introduced to a character (it can be generated randomly) and in the first scene your character dies. Unlike current horror survivor games, you are transitioned to the afterlife - the process of the living taking care of the remains of the body and holding some sort of service. With this you are introduced to the first ritual of your journey. As you explore the world of the unliving, you meet other ghosts, spirits and creatures. The missions revolve one particular folklore from one particular culture. You can start with American Roman Catholics, but you could also introduce the Ghost-witch of the Skadegamutc. The idea is not to make up new things but to introduce actual rituals that need actual things (ie a certain type of grain, a certain type of tool). The spirit world mirrors the living world and in moments of rituals contact can be made, messages transmitted, banishments and moments of connections. Manga and anime already have many of these moments (see Spirited Away, XXXholic and Mushishi to name a few), but the idea is not to examine one culture but the whole world over- create a beloved home for modern folks to connect with the traditions of the past. If this game is successful, I hope that profits will be used to create scholarships for people to study folklore, art projects to celebrate them, projects to bring them to populace (Folklore Amusement Park??) and more.

His/erStory

Place of Poetry

Resources

Character Qualities - Coming soon

• Agency
• Attitude
• Behaviors
• Beliefs
• Dispositions
• personality
• values
• social and emotional skills
• non-cognitive skills
• soft skills